|
Most professional writers of magazine articles and short stories believe that you
will lose a reader if their interest is not gained in the first 100 words. I
contend that the first 25 to 50 words are critical to the text of an effective
brochure. The opening sentence in the attached example is a slow start - passive
voice and awkward. Consider the following revised version:
Manufacturers rely on Venus-Gusmer to provide the best meter/mix pumping
system available for processing high-ratio thermosetting materials.
Venus-Gusmer’s H.I.S. technology is ideally suited for MEKP and certain BPO
catalyst systems. Venus-Gusmer continues to develop and test advanced equipment
that meets the demands of new materials like epoxies, phenolics, vinyl esters,
polyurethane and hybrid polyester/polyurethane. Venus-Gusmer also helps
processors find new uses for existing materials. Venus-Gusmer supplies you with
high-quality equipment, training and service. We are proud to be part of the
industry's past since 1966 and pioneer of the industry's future.
| Vital statistics: |
|
Brochure |
Revised |
|
|
Version |
Version |
| Number of sentences |
|
3 |
6 |
| Sentence lengths |
#1 |
25 |
20 |
|
#2 |
38 |
14 |
|
#3 |
28 |
26 |
|
#4 |
-- |
11 |
|
#5 |
-- |
11 |
|
#6 |
-- |
18 |
| Total words |
|
91 |
100 |
| Average sentence length |
|
30.3 words |
16.7 words |
|
